We men are but simple folk - content to go about our lives, caring for our loved ones, attending to our day-to-day chores, enjoying quiet lives of peaceful self-contemplation.
Many of us have taken a partner into our lives, in the hopes of further enriching ourselves through directing our energies towards making the life of another a happier one to live. But then ..
Once a month, these benign creatures of beauty and gentleness become the very Gorgons from hells lowest firepits - shrieking, clawing harpies, whose existence has but one purpose - to fasten their fanged mouths to our helpless throats and tear all joy and peace from our souls.
Only then do we flee in helpless confusion, finding some dark, cool place to curl into a foetal position, until the heavy tread of these Jurassic blood monsters slowly returns to the gentle step of the one we love.
IF ONLY there was a way that we could be forewarned - a way that we could learn to hide before the time of the WereBeast was upon them, to guage the time that their nails run red with the gore of our flesh ..
BUT WAIT! There is! To those who bear the bloodied marks of the she-talons in their cowering flesh, I say - PMS Radar can save you!
Well, maybe that was a bit over the top .. but it’s still something every partnered guy needs.
Check it out at radar.spacecat.com
March 31st, 2007
Ending what has become the longest running practical joke in history, the current head of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI, broke down with laughter and cried, “I give in - seriously, this whole ‘God’ thing was just a joke!”
Continue Reading March 14th, 2006
Leafing through my morning Sydney Morning Herald emails, I came across this article.
You’d think such a publication would be a BIT more choosy about which ads would go next to which news items .. click the image below to see the full-size version. It doesn’t include the flash animation, which went on to show the drowning credit card attacked by sharks.
March 2nd, 2006
In a move that has stunned the nation, Australian Prime Minister John Howard has moved to dispell the rumours once and for all - and admitted to his Oompa-Loompa heritage.
Continue Reading December 13th, 2005
Some bastard stole the walk of fame star of Gregory Peck - police apparently wish to talk to someone named Peter Piper.
December 1st, 2005
Your Kung-Fu is stronger than my Kung-Fu ..
November 30th, 2005
I’m thinking about hiring a House Boat for a few days away ..
November 28th, 2005
A friend bought these to my attention:
Maybe these companies should have thought a little more laterally about their domain names:
Firstly there is Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
www.whorepresents.com
Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views:
www.expertsexchange.com
Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:
www.penisland.net
Need a therapist? Try:
www.therapistfinder.com
And there is an Italian Power-Generation company:
www.powergenitalia.com
Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
Anyone else have any that come to mind?
October 26th, 2005
I THINK it’s immensely funny that, during the G8 summit in Scotland this year, George Bush (jr) took out a cop with a pushbike. see article here
Elite security forces spun a web of protection around this gathering of the western elite; each cop, soldier and mercenary prepared to take casualties as they stood between the err.. elected .. leaders of the free world and the (literally) unwashed masses of protesting hippies.
Weeks of anti-terror exercises and role playing scenarios could not have anticipated the George Bush element, and so we have the image of this poor Scot Cop’s partner, crouching over his buddies crumpled form in the drizzling Scottish rain, screaming into the sky, “Noooooo! I’ll get ye, Boosh, if it’s tha layst thing ah doooo!”
cue cheesy 80’s electric guitar power cords, like you would find here
“.. Hey, take it easy Hamish - it’s just mah foot, go see if the daft bugger’s alrigh’”
George Bush. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that one of the uber-powerfuls behind the US Republican Party, sitting around in the bi-annual Hamptons FarRightFest, a little high on Cubans and sherry, suddenly sat upright and cried, “Hey guys! Let’s find the biggest goon of a man in the Republican camp, put him up for the Presidency, have everyone SEE what an absolute drooling idiot he is, and STILL get him elected!”
At which point, a drunken George Jr. rides past, loses his balance and runs over someones foot. Destiny.
October 20th, 2005
